


Couch Potato

by cloudsarefluffy



Series: Tumblr Made Me Do It [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Awkward Boners, Awkwardness, Based on a Tumblr Post, Castiel Likes Dean, Castiel and Cats, Castiel is Not Oblivious, Cutesy, Dean Flirts, Dean is Not Heterosexual, Drunken Shenanigans, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, No Sex, Nudity, One Shot, Some Humor, The Author Regrets Nothing, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2095623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudsarefluffy/pseuds/cloudsarefluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this Tumblr post: "<em>I really want an “I accidentally broke into your house/apartment because my friend lives next door to you and I was in the area, drunk, and I thought I was climbing into the right window and falling asleep on the right couch (and I did wonder when my friend got two cats but I didn’t question it) so now I’m hungover and shirtless in your living room so um, hi howya doin'?” au</em>."</p><p>--</p><p>Castiel just wanted to wake up early so he could study for his exam; he didn't, however, want a gorgeous naked man to be sleeping on his futon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Couch Potato

**Author's Note:**

> Be proud of me, senpai. I'm about to pass out.
> 
> Just letting you guys know that since I'm basically back in school, that my update schedule has changed. Since this series is about random one-shots related to Tumblr, you won't have to really worry about it. I was just updating you anyways.  
> Plus, it means that I'm going to be updating less, since school is more of a priority this year.  
> Not sorry. (;
> 
> Anyways, I'm tired. I'll beta this correctly later, all you're getting is formatting and stuff. Apologies.  
> Enjoy!~

 

* * *

 

Castiel rubbed at his eye with a yawn as his alarm beeped beside him. It was six am on a Saturday, and he had plans.

 

There was an exam in Singer’s class in the next couple of days, and unlike Castiel’s classmates, he _wasn’t_ going to go cramming in a week or two’s worth of information into his skull in a few hours. Today was about studying, and getting this god awful crick out of his neck. He pads over to his dresser, throwing on a tee because he’s never been one for walking around shirtless, even if he’s alone. Being in a house with Gabriel taught you to protect any sensitive bits of flesh.

 

As Castiel pulls the generic grey fabric over his head, a loud noise comes from the living room.  

 

_Shit._

 

Castiel slowly moves towards his closet, grabbing out the bat that Anna had given him for this reason alone. If this is a close call or if he makes it out of this situation alive, he’ll make sure to call and thank her once his fingers were still enough to press buttons without shaking. The bat is heavy but reassuring in Castiel’s grip, and he readies it as he moves his bedroom door back with his foot.

 

He looks out into the living room, finding nothing askew or out of the ordinary- well, until he looks on top of his futon.

 

“ _Oh my god…_ ” he whispers, because there, on his lumpy second-hand POS furniture, there is a man who could probably work as a model for the rest of his days.

 

Oh, and another cool fact- he’s _completely naked._

 

Castiel lowers the bat a little, wondering why a man like this decided to come crash on his futon instead of where he probably should be. He waits a few moments to see if the guy is even awake, but it seems like he isn't.

 

God- this day is already so weird.

 

It only seems weirder when Castiel notices that the man stirs a little as he cautiously moves forward, and he starts swallowing as he tries to calm his rapidly beating heart.

 

The smell of alcohol encases the man, and Castiel grimaces. He’s never liked drinking or getting drunk, and since hangovers are a common thing in college students anyways, Castiel had promised himself not to drink a drop until he got his degree. It looks like the man on his couch, however, made no such effort.

 

“S-Sam? …” he groans, and twitches on the futon, “God- my _head…_ ”

 

Of course, Castiel brings the bat up as soon as the man opens his eyes.

 

There are only a few minor milliseconds for Castiel to take in the unusual saturation of green in the man's irises before the man is leaping off of his futon.

 

“Dude!” he looks pissed, “What’s with the bat!?”

 

“You’re not supposed to be here…” Castiel comments, having to keep his eyes pointedly on the intruder’s face.

 

The man scoffs, “Oh yeah, _sure._ Sam paid you for this didn’t he? I mean, he even rearranged the… furniture… that’s- this- _oh shit._ ”

 

“I think you can understand why I have the bat now.”

 

The man groans, rubbing at his face in embarrassment, “God, he’s never gonna shut up about this… Uh, look, I’m- I’m sorry about drunkenly breaking into your apartment.”

 

Castiel furrows his brow, “How did you get in here? You didn’t break down my door, did you?”

 

“No, of course not, doofus.” the man sighs, “The window, over there… I came in through that.”

 

Castiel sighs, “Well, that’s comforting- knowing how easy it is for anyone to just waltz in here…”

 

“I didn’t mean to… My brother lives next door, and I guess I confused his window for yours or somethin’.”

 

“You’re Sam’s brother?”

 

The man- Dan? Don? Castiel can't ever remember it right- blinks at him, “You know Sammy?”

 

Castiel nods, deciding that it’s okay to put his weapon down, “Yes. He and I talk about things sometimes, since we’re usually in the library studying while everyone else is out partying.”

 

“Oh, so you’re a little nerd too?” he tenses awkwardly at Castiel’s glare, “Oh yeah, right… I broke into your house. Not the best of times to be jokin’ about you…”

 

“No, it really isn’t.”

 

The man looks a little flustered, but he shakes his head for a second, “Wait, so you’re Casteal or something?”

 

“Castiel.”

 

“Oh right… Castell- Castail- fuck, Cas. There.” he waves a hand dismissively in the air, which irritates Castiel because he’s not something you can just _dismiss_ on a whim- “Yeah, uh, it’d be nice if you didn’t call the police on me, Cas. You know, for me mistaking your apartment as my brother’s.”

 

Castiel blinks at him, “I didn’t plan on calling them.”

 

“Okay, that’s good. We’re already one step ahead in the game.” he sighs, “I, uh- my name’s Dean.”

 

“I’ll remember that- so that way, just in case, I can wake your ass off of my shit futon again.”

 

Dean doesn’t look offended, at least, for himself, “Hey, it’s a nice futon.”

 

“I bought it at Goodwill for twenty dollars.”

 

“Alright, I stand corrected. It’s an _okay_ futon.”

 

Castiel rolls his eyes, “Thank you for complimenting my furniture that you slept on without my knowledge of until the morning after. Now please, could you at least put a damn pillow over your junk or something?”

 

Dean smirks, and oh yes- Castiel remembers just now that Dean, pun intended, is a cocky bastard- “Like what you see?”

 

“Of course you would flirt with the person who owns the place that you just broke into.”

 

“Hey,” Dean winks at Cas, “s’not my fault. You know, I’m kinda happy I chose this window on accident. You’re hot.”

 

Castiel blushes, clearing his throat, “May I remind you that I still have a bat, and there is only so much of this that I can take in without swinging away.”

 

Dean’s hand instantly comes over his crotch, gawking, “Okay, I get it. You’re gonna play baseball with my nuts if I don’t quit flirtin’ with you. But I can’t help it! _Especially_ when I think someone catches my eye!”

 

Castiel just taps the bat.

 

“Alright, point made. I am aware of what might happen if I call you cute or something. Which, you are, by the way.”

 

“You have no self-control, do you?”

 

Dean shakes his head, smirking, “Nah, not much, Cas. Especially when it comes to booze and people I find attractive-”

 

“ _Dean-”_

 

“Oh right… My balls will literally become balls…” Dean looks away, eyes wide at the thought and sensation of such a thing happening.

 

Castiel holds the bat a little tighter, and he knows for a fact that he’s blushing, “Can you please leave?”

 

“Right, uh, got it… I wouldn’t be so happy either, you know. God- I really am digging my own grave here, uh-” Dean fumbles around, looking for something, “lemme just get my clothes…”

 

Castiel has to wait for a few more terse minutes before it looks like Dean has found his items of clothing, and the whole entire time he’s trying to keep his eyes anywhere except for Dean. The man hurriedly throws on his boxers (are they fucking _pie themed_ ones?) and shucks on his jeans, leaving the fly and button undone as he sighs for a moment.

 

“I may have to ask you for a favor.”

 

“You technically just did.”

 

Dean rolls his eyes, “Don’t be like that, Cas, jeez. Can I borrow a shirt?”

 

Of course, Dean would need more from him before he leaves- what would he ask for next? Sex?

 

Castiel blushes at the thought, his mind blanking as he blinks.

 

“Uh, Earth to Cas?”

 

It snaps him back into reality, thankfully, and he sighs, “What’s wrong with yours?”

 

“It’s… it’s got some beer n’ stuff on it.”

 

“You need to stop drinking.” Castiel supplies, groaning in irritation as Dean holds up his disgusting shirt for him to see.

 

“No disagreement there, Cas. Now, are you gonna get me a shirt or not? Honestly, I don’t care about showin’ up to my brother’s apartment shirtless, but- I don’t think he would feel the same way about it as I do.”

 

Castiel grabs one of the shirts he had washed last night from the hamper with some frustration in his movements, and he tosses the clean fabric into Dean’s face with force, “For someone who woke up to find you sleeping on their futon completely naked because they were drunk, I can see where that kind of disagreement started.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Just put my damn shirt on and leave, Dean.” Castiel wrinkles his nose as Dean sets his stained shirt onto his futon, “Sam might be suspicious as to why you’re not there, and you can have fun explaining to him why you were in my apartment this morning. Hell, I might tell him about it myself if you don’t get your ass in gear.”

 

Dean pales for a second, “You wouldn’t dare, Cas.”

 

Castiel smirks without any friendliness behind it, “Oh, I definitely would. Now, get the fuck out, Dean.”

 

“Wow, this is weird. Sam told me that you rarely curse-”

 

“He hasn’t seen me angry, and this situation has really, _really_ gotten under my skin. I was already supposed to be studying for an exam- not helping some man get his shit together after breaking into my place.”

 

Dean puts his hands out in surrender, “Shesh, Cas. I get it already.”

 

Castiel walks forward, seemingly tired of warning Dean. The man shrieks, _literally shrieks,_ as the bat nears him, and he covers his groin.

 

“Oh my god, you weren’t kidding! I’m sorry, Cas, I’m sorry!”

 

Castiel doesn’t say anything, instead, he sets the bat against the back of his futon, and pushes against Dean. Once Dean realizes what Castiel is doing, he literally drags his feet in the opposite direction on the floor, making Castiel work harder to move him.

 

“Oh, don’t be like this, Cas! Can’t a guy just hang out for a bit!”

 

“Not when he broke in here,” Castiel grunts, pushing harder against Dean’s back, “and especially when he’s being this annoying!”

 

Dean scoffs, “Annoying? Is that what you truly think of me, Cas!?” Dean turns to look over his shoulder at Cas with some amount of mock hurt, “I thought you would say something like… _charming._ ”

 

Castiel glares, “You’re anything _but_ that.”

 

“Now you’re really hurting my feelings.”

 

“I don’t care. Just- Dean, stop resisting!”

 

Dean suddenly stops pushing with the heels of his feet, but instead, turns himself around as Castiel shoves him forward. The worst part? The bastard has the idea to fucking grab onto Castiel as he plummets.

 

“ _Dean!”_ Castiel squeaks as he lands on top of Dean’s chest, and his eyes are wide when he sees the man smirking at him.

 

“This is an interesting position, isn’t it, Cas?” Dean wiggles his eyebrows for good measure.

 

Castiel squirms on top of Dean’s chest, but the other man’s arms pin him down too easily, “Fuck you!”

 

“I wouldn’t mind it if you wanted me to.”

 

Castiel looks up, face blank as he sees Dean. The man winks at him.

 

It’s also, of course, when someone knocks on the door.

 

“Castiel?” Sam’s voice comes through the wood, “I, uh, is my brother in there?”

 

Castiel pales, and thankfully, Dean at least has the decency to appear flustered as well, “Why would you think that he is?”

 

Dean relaxes a bit under Castiel, and he mouths a ‘thank you’ as Sam answers, “He sent me a text fill of gibberish- which, he only does when he’s plastered. It took me about five minutes to decode it, but, I figured out that he was complimenting me on a cat I don’t own.”

 

And, as if fate were a humorous asshole, Castiel’s cat decides to trot into the room.

 

“You have a cat?” Dean whispers, and Castiel quietly knocks him upside the head, “ _Ow._ ”

 

“Castiel, he didn’t break into your apartment, did he?”

 

Castiel pauses on top of Dean’s chest, staring at his door as though God or the Devil were behind it, and Dean holds onto his exhale for a little too long. That makes the situation weird enough, but Castiel’s cat decides to lick Dean’s face.

 

“Oh god, Cas-” Dean hisses softly, considering that he can’t move his arms or else he might hit the bat and knock it onto the floor, “get your animal offa me!”

 

Castiel is offended, “He has a name, Dean. It’s _Tubbington._ ”

 

Dean laughs too loudly for half of a millisecond.

 

“Dean?” Sam asks, though he sounds annoyed, “Castiel, is Dean in there?”

 

“Um-” Castiel fumbles over his words for a moment, “no?”

 

Dean lets his head softly thump against Castiel’s rug as he quietly yells at him, “Of course, that’s all you have to say!”

 

“Shut up, Dean! I shouldn’t even be covering for you! You won’t even let me go!”

 

“Castiel, I’m being serious.” Sam sounds angrier now, “I need to know if he broke in your place or not.”

 

Castiel moves against Dean to try and free himself when he stills, practically face palming, “Dean… please tell me that you don’t have a hard on…”

 

Dean’s cheeks are a bright pink, and he doesn’t meet Castiel’s eyes as he whispers, “You were wiggling against me, and you’re cute. Like, I have a really good view of your butt and I can’t help it-”

 

Castiel smacks him again for good measure, and Dean looks angry for a moment before Tubbington is back to licking his face, to which he scowls at.

 

“Castiel-”

 

“One moment, Sam! I’m getting... dressed?”

 

Dean flicks his arm, “God, at least sound convincing!”

 

Castiel rolls his eyes, “Again, Dean, I shouldn’t be covering for you.”

 

“Yet, here you are.”

 

Tubbington does Castiel the honors of getting revenge by slobbering on Dean’s face.

 

Dean looks like he’s about to explode, “ _Cas._ ” he warns lowly.

 

“You deserve it, but it also means he likes you.” Castiel finally manages to free himself from Dean’s grip, and he nearly stumbles to the door.

 

He barely gives Dean enough time to hide behind his futon.

 

“Has he been here, Castiel?” Sam asks after Castiel has moved the slab of wood out of the way, and looks tired, maybe even a little disappointed, but Castiel can’t blame him.

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Is that his shirt on your futon?” Sam quirks a brow, his disbelief apparent.

 

Castiel looks back, seeing the garment lying on the edge, and it’s all he can stare at for a few seconds, “That’s mine.”

 

“I’ve never seen you wear it,” Sam argues, “besides, when have you ever listened to AC/DC?”

 

“I’m a secret fan.” Castiel shrugs.

 

Sam snorts, “Uh, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an in-the-dark band fan. Castiel, just be honest with me.”

 

“He hasn’t been here, I promise.”

 

“Why’s your bat out then?” Sam isn’t going to stop- of course not, he’s studying to become a _lawyer-_ “You told me you were only going to use that if someone broke in.”

 

Castiel swallows, but his mind thankfully decides to save the day with- “I thought someone did, but Tubbington just knocked a few things over because he thought he saw a fly. You know how he is… Too fat to run, but too determined to give up…”

 

Castiel swears that Dean muffles a laugh on the futon, but Sam doesn’t seem to be aware of anything but Castiel and his cat that is currently slobbering on his shoe.

 

“Ew, _gross._ Your cat is so weird, Castiel. Like, how does he make _so much_ spit?”

 

“The vets were never really able to figure it out. They said it could have been caused by an overactive salivary gland, but I just think that he uses it to show affection. Like really wet, _disgusting,_ cat kisses.”

 

Sam scowls when he notices the damp patch on his toes, “Just… if Dean shows up, tell me, alright? He could be hiding away in shame or somethin’... Sorry to bother you, Cas.”

 

Castiel waits a few seconds after Sam leaves, and then he shuts the door, leaning behind onto it with a rough sigh. Tubbington, however, is too happy to care, and he trots into the kitchen- well, he does slip on his way there.

 

Dean sits up, staring at Castiel’s… _unique,_ feline companion, “Your cat is super fucking weird, Cas.”

 

“At least he doesn’t break into my apartment. Now, can you go? I just covered for you when I didn’t have to- hell, I wasn’t supposed to!”

 

“I know…” Dean stands and sighs, heading over to the door, “Thanks for that, by the way. I owe you.”

 

“For that _and_ the shirt.”

 

Dean rolls his eyes, but the movement seems playful, “Yeah, okay. I owe you for that too.”

 

Dean walks to the door, and Castiel opens it for him. However, Dean lingers for a second in the doorway.

 

“Dean?”

 

Without warning, Dean kisses Castiel. Except, it’s not rough or demanding, it’s soft and sweet, and Castiel finds himself melting into it. When Dean pulls away, he’s sort of blushing.

 

“I really wanted to do that, sorry…” Dean mumbles, and he rubs at the back of his neck.

 

Castiel just blinks at him.

 

“I’ll be on my way, then… I promise that I won’t bother you after this…” Dean turns, but Castiel grabs onto his wrist, “Cas?”

 

Castiel leans up and pecks Dean’s lips again, smiling when he notices Dean relaxing into it, and when he pulls away, there’s a dumb grin on both of their faces, “You have to come get your shirt sometime, don’t you?”

 

Dean seems to realize that it's a secret invitation, and he smiles brightly, “Yeah, Cas. I do. How about tomorrow, around eight?”

 

“Sounds like a good time to me.”

 

Dean seems like he’s about to leave, but with one more quick peck, he’s gone. Castiel just shuts the door to apartment, and smiles when he sees that his window is cracked open.

  
  
  


 

 


End file.
